Grumpy Underpants Polka

So, since I’m stuck in an office thus am not free to roam about the city at will, I’ve spent my day amusing myself at my desk composing poetry.  I submit it to you, dear reader, for feedback and further amusement.

___

Grumpy Underpants Polka

 

Please tell me about your underpants malfeasance

How they’re causing discomfort for myriad reasons

Did you put ‘em on backwards or are they bunched up in a ball?

Maybe they’re a little too small?

___

Did someone abscond with your office supplies?

Did the burger joint short you an order of fries?

When I said that I cared I was just tellin’ a lie.

This is why I shouldn’t tell lies.

___

I can tell that you’re drunk by the way that you stagger.

You make as much sense as a chorus of badgers.

Your voice sounds to me like the honk of a muted trombone.

(wah wah wah wah)

Why can’t you just leave me alone?

___

Floating over your head is a cartoon thought bubble.

When I can read what it says the words all spell trouble.

But sometimes I can’t.  And that’s how I know its real bad.

Just like when Snoopy gets mad.

___

If your stomach’s a-growlin’ I could cook if you like.

I could get you some ointment if you’ve chafed on your bike.

I’d like to do something to help you from under that cloud.

But it seems like I’m just not allowed.

___

You scream and you stomp and you push me away

Then you wonder out loud why I don’t want to stay

In bed with your pissin’ and moanin’ – I just want to sleep

Shut up and just go to sleep.

___

I don’t care about your underpants malfeasance

Or the constant discomfort for myriad reasons

Take em off, take em off, take em off, take em off, take em off!

Take em off, take em off, take em off.

___

Maybe they’re a little bit small.

___

Shut up and just go to sleep.